Non Sum Qualis Eram

Sarah Ann. 21. Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

I write an awful lot about personal situations and how I'm feeling on a day-to-day basis. My moods are all over the place and I suffer from moderate to severe anxiety daily. I haven't quite identified my triggers or very many coping mechanisms, but I've found blogging and writing are a positive means to deal with these aspects of my life.
I don't care if I lose followers or if people tire of hearing about REAL things going on in my life, or about my emotional issues and rants. This site and this expression have been important to me for years, and I've gotten to a place where I'm able to stop hiding behind cryptic typography or vague open-ended statements. I'm finally more concerned with being honest and comfortable about my feelings. I'm tired of trying to be what I think others want. I'm me. That's all I have. No fate but what we make.

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→ 24 Jan 12 at 3 am
tags: personal blog  alex  I love you  i'm sorry  this was stupid  overdramatics  letter to you  relationships  anniversary  love rant  always and forever 

I didn’t mean what I said before, you are the best part of my life and I am the best of yours. We had a bad day, a day that just happened to be our anniversary. I am to blame for everything just as you are, and I’m sorry. We both should have focused on making each other happy, rather than ourselves. I’m definitely guilty of that, and I’m sorry. I was being passive aggressive and cold behind words with double meanings, and I’m sorry.

It’s still so crazy because even after we both got upset, it doesn’t change anything. I just want to love you, and I do. More than you could ever know. And I know this because I’ll wake up tomorrow, just as I always do, and you will be the first thought in my head, the first person I call. I wish I were with you right now, you have no idea.

I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy. Nothing is perfect, but I think things between us are pretty close. There is no light without the dark; there will always be arguments and petty bullshit. There will always be mistakes and hurt feelings and disappointments. But what matters, is that we sort things out rather than going for each other’s throats. I would never want to hurt you, seeing you hurt or cry is the most horrible thing. I just love you. Always and forever.